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THE  GOOSE  GIRLS 

OF  THE 

San   Joac^uiii  ^ 


A^DAN  D  BOOK  FOR  GIRLS 
BY  UNCLE  DAN  D 

There  is  a  Poem  in  this  Book 

Aboui  a  Girl  in  this  Town 

Find  out  if  you  know  her 

Would  you  like  to  have  a  Poem  about  Yourself? 
See  Coupon  at  Back  of  Book 

Copyright  1921  by  D.  E.  Dermody 


Written    by 

D.  E.  DEMODY 


CONTENTS 


A  it •::*:.••••::    :  :.  '  '-  Page 

'•  •   •  •  The  Pull-Moott  '• '      -           -            -            -  1 

The  Giant  Frog 8 

Bobbing  a  Bobcat           _           .           .           -  4 

The  Great  Coyote  Drive           -           -           -  7 

The  Terrible  Teddy  Bear             -                 -  It 

A  Trip  To  Fresno  Fair             -           .           .  H 

The  Goose  Girl  March            .            .           -  1$ 

Up  And  Away  at  Old  Del  Rey           -           -  le 

The  Crochet  Queen           ...           -  18 

What  Leila  Got  For  Christmas           -           -  2» 

The  Truth  About  Measles           -           -          -  22 

A  Sorrowfnl  Sight  in  Sanger            -            -  ^ 

Erie  Day  and  the  Fairy  Fay           -             -  26 

A  Whale  of  a  Story             ...  28 

The  Trail  out  of  Madera            -         -            -  8^ 

All  the  News         -           .         .           .            -  31 

The  Secret  About  Millie         -            .            -  84 

The  Magic  Bug U 

A  Mysterious  Disappearance             -             -  88- 

Curly,  the  Tale  of  a  Pig           -           -           -  87 

The  Death  of  a  Cannibal  Giant        -         -        -  38 

The  Goose  Girls*  Auxiliary           -         -          -  89 

Althea  Smith  of  Porterville        ...        -  4^ 

The  First  Goose  Girl  in  Traver         -         -        -  41 

The  Flu  in  Exeter           ....  42 

The  Magical  Lullaby        -           ...  48 

The  Flowers  of  Sunshine-land         -         -         -  45^ 


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THE  GOOSE  GIRLS  OF  THE 
SAN  JOAQUIN 

Goose  girls  are,  'twixt  you  and  me, 

What  they  shut  their  eyes  and  think  they  be. 


THE  FULL  MOON 

Goose  girls  all  please  give  attention 
To  a  school  whose  name  I  need  not  mention. 
It  isn't  the  U.  of  C.  or  Stanford- 
It's  a  school  just  out  of  the  town  of  HANFORD. 
And  what  I  wish  to  speak  about 
Is  G6orgie  Beale,  the  fat  young  lout. 

Georgie  I  hope  gets  no  pudding  or  pie. 

If  you  know  that  boy  you  won't  ask  why. 

Georgie  Beale  is  fat  and  sly. 

He  boos  at  girls  and  makes  'em  cry. 

He  booed  at  lone,  he  booed  at  Martha, 

He  booed  Mattie  Ellis  and  called  her  smarty. 

This  is  the  way  that  Georgie  boos. 
He  catches  a  girl  without  excuse, 
Pinches  her  arm  and  calls  her  goose 
And  bats  his  eyes  as  he  turns  her  loose. 
He  bats  his  eyes  while  this  he  cries — 
"Mattie,  bum-battie,  to  the  air  go  fattie, 
E-leg,  i-leg,  bow-legged  Mattie." 

Mattie  bum-battie  likes  candy  and  toys. 
Mattie  has  troubles  and  Mattie  has  joys. 
Mattie  Ellis  can  make  an  awful  noise. 
Mattie  don't  like  such  piggie  boys. 

When  Georgie  booed  her  it  made  her  shriek. 

She  boxed  his  ears  and  slapped  his  cheek. 

Georgie  got  mad  when  he  got  that  box. 

Georgie  ain't  used  to  such  hard  knocks. 

Georgie  is  stout  as  a  stub-nosed  ox. 

Georgie  has  fists  as  hard  as  rocks. 

He  chased  poor  Mattie  and  tore  her  clothes, 
And  then  he  hit  her  bing  on  the  nose. 

He  hit  her  so  hard,  with  an  upward  blow. 

That  up  in  the  air  she  started  to  go 

And  kept  on  going.    O  my  oh! 

No  girl  ever  went  so  high,  I  know. 

Georgie  got  scared  and  homeward  sped 
And  hid  himself  beneath  the  bed. 

1 

44S628 


■:>;•:.:  •H.u.-' 


All  the  goose  girls  playing  there 
Heard  Mattie  shrieking  up  in  the  air, 
And  all  came  running.    Ah,  what  a  scare! 
Holding  their  breath,  they  stood  to  stare 
While  Mattie  over  the  trees  sailed  high, 
Above  the  schoolhouse  into  the  sky. 


They  held  their  breath  so  long,  that  soon 

They  began  to  swell  like  a  toy  balloon. 

They  began  to  float  at  half  past  noon, 

Following  Mattie  up  toward  the  moon. 

The  teacher  came  out  and  rang  the  bell, 
But  the  girls  were  too  high  to  hear  it  well. 

When  they  overtook  Mattie  up  in  the  air 

They  found  her  dancing  and  singing  there. 

And  then  they  all  forgot  their  scare 

And  started  in  the  dance  to  share. 

They  danced  along  and  couldn't  stop 

Till  they  reached  the  moon  and  climbed  on  tc^. 

While  they  danced,  there  came  into  sight 
A  little  cloud  all  fleecy  and  white. 
And  away  on  that  cloud  with  huge  delight 
They  sailed  and  danced  until  late  at  night. 

And  that's  why  the  girls  of  HANFORD  school 
Were  absent  one  day  against  the  rule. 


The  teacher  stood  them  all  in  a  row 
Next  morning,  and  sternly  wished  to  know 
Why  they  had  gone  and  where  did  they  go. 
But  when  they  told  her,  she  hollered  "O! 

For  telling  fibs  you  shall  play  Jack  Homar 
And  all  this  day  stand  up  in  the  corner." 

When  Georgie  got  back  they  hardly  knew  hlm« 
Such  a  terrible  fright  was  going  through  him. 
The  girls  at  first  intended  to  sue  him. 
But  they  knew  it  would  hurt  him  worse  to  bo«  kla. 
So  now  whenever  they  pass  him  by 
They  point  a  finger  at  him  and  cry: 
"Georgie  bum-borgy. 
To  the  air  go  forgy, 
B-Iegged,  1-legged,  bow-legged  G«orgit." 


THE  GIANT  FROG 

Prom  LINDSAY  town  to  ORANGE  COVE 
Is  many  and  many  an  orange  grove. 

But  one  there  is,  a  wondrous  one. 
Because  round  oranges  grow  there. 

'Tis  strange  indeed,  it  takes  the  bun — 
All  other  oranges  are  square. 

Edna  Marie  Elizabeth  Borchardt 

"Was  walking  one  day  in  this  wonderful  orchard. 

She  had  to  watch  out  for  the  orange  man. 
Who  is  ugly  and  cross  and  very  unkind. 

He  bosses  goose  girls  all  he  can, 
And  carries  a  stick  to  make  them  mind. 

The  night  before,  when  Miss  B.  was  in  town 
She  met  the  orange  man  coming  down 

The  street  that  all  the  nice  shops  are  in. 
He's  such  an  ill-mannered  man,  and  sly. 

Of  course  she  didn't  wish  to  be  seen 
Speaking  to  such  a  gawky  guy. 

So  she  took  no  notice,  but  passed  him  by 
In  a  ladylike  way,  with  her  head  held  high. 

And  did  not  answer  his  "Howd'y'-do." 
And  when  she  looked  back  to  see  how  he  took  it 

(Which  a  goose  girl  really  should  not  do). 
He  was  pointing  a  finger  at  her  to  crook  it. 

And  now  as  she  walked  about  in  the  orchard 
To  look  for  ripe  oranges,  Miss  Borchardt 

Was  watching  out  lest  the  orange  man  spy 
Her  strolling  there — afraid,  you  know, 

He'd  remember  the  way  she  passed  him  by. 
And  chase  her  out  for  treating  him  so. 

As  thus  on  her  way  Miss  Edna  went, 
To  find  ripe  oranges  her  intent. 

She  heard  at  a  distance — what  do  you  guess? 
The  voice  of  a  man  who  was  calling  for  help. 

He  was  calling  loudly,  in  great  distress, 
Louder  than  any  dog  can  yelp. 

The  orchard  is  In  a  bog  which  is  dry, 
And  Edna  ran  through  it  very  spry 

Till  she  came  to  where  the  man  was  cryin*. 
She  saw  a  big  animal  there  on  a  log. 

At  first  she  thought  'twas  a  bear  or  lion, 
B»t  soon  she  saw  'twas  a  giant  frog. 

3 


'Twas  a  frog  as  big  as  a  barrel  of  kraut, 
With  eyes  like  pie-plates  sticking  out, 

And  the  legs  of  a  man  sticking  out  of  its  mouth. 
He  was  kicking  his  heels  for  all  he  was  worth. 

His  heels  were  kicking  towards  the  South, 
His  head  was  out  of  sight  in  the  North. 

Miss  Edna  knew  (and  at  first  she  was  glad) 
*Twas  the  orange  man  in  this  fix  so  bad. 

And  then  she  got  sorry  like  a  good  girl  should. 
So  she  picked  up  a  stone  about  ten  feet  wide 

And  hit  the  frog  as  hard  as  she  could 
Between  the  eyes — and  the  frog  it  died. 

The  man  crawled  out  and  opened  his  eyes, 
But  he  said  that  he  felt  too  weak  to  rise. 

So  Miss  Borchardt  spoke  a  magic  word 
Which  goose  girls  know,  and  with  a  hum 

Matilda  Bauer  flew  like  a  bird 
From  far  away,  to  help  her  chum. 

Though  the  man  was  very  much  bigger  and  older 
The  goose  girls  carried  him  on  a  shoulder. 

They  laid  him  down  on  his  bungalow  floor 
And  fed  him  soap  to  ease  his  pain, 

He  ate  a  pound  and  would  eat  no  more, 
Because  he  said  he  was  well  again. 

For  being  so  mean  he  was  now  full  of  sorrow. 
He  promised  the  goose  girls  that  tomorrow 

If  he  felt  well  enough,  he'd  go  to  town 
And  buy  them  a  cake  and  some  nice  corn  meal. 

An  orangeade  pump  for  their  very  own, 
A  ribbon  bow  and  an  automobile. 


BOBBING  A  BOBCAT 

DELANO  lies  beyond  TULARE 
Amid  the  fields  and  vineyards  fair, 
With  many  goose  girls  living  there. 

Of  one  of  these  I  wish  to  tell. 
Her  name  is  May  and  also  Belle — 
Maybelle  Foley — I  know  her  well. 

Miss  Foley  has  black  hair  and  eyes. 
I  think  that  she  is  very  nice. 
About  her  I  won't  tell  no  lies. 


1  wish  to  tell  you  in  thig  rhym^ 
About  what  happened  her  one  time. 
You  won't  believe  it  I  bet  a  dime. 

She  started  out  to  catch  a  rabbit. 

She  saw  one  soon  and  tried  to  grab  it. 

She  tried  her  best  but  couldn't  nab  it. 

The  rabbit  nearly  had  a  fit 

And  up  a  mountain  side  did  flit — 

Goose  Mountain  is  the  name  of  it. 

It  was  so  named,  so  folks  declare, 
By  goose  girls  who  first  settled  there 
Before  Columbus  found  Tulare. 

Up  Goose  Mountain's  grassy  side     ' 
The  rabbit  ran  with  rapid  stride, 
Hoping  to  save  his  fuzzy  hide. 

At  times  Miss  Maybelle  is  quite  jolly. 
But  never  swears  or  acts  with  folly. 
But  now  she  cried,  "Stop  there,  by  golly!" 

She  chased  the  rabbit  with  great  speed. 
Of  other  things  she  took  no  heed. 
She  did  not  stop  for  drink  or  feed. 

She  ran  all  day  and  ran  all  night. 
The  rabbit  it  ran  out  of  sight. 
And  Maybelle  got  an  awful  fright. 

A  bobcat  big  her  way  did  block. 
It  came  from  out  behind  a  rock 
And  gave  that  girl  an  awful  shock. 

When  came  the  bobcat  into  view 
Maybelle  didn't  know  what  to  do. 
She  trembled  in  her  right  hand  shoe. 

And  then  she  trembled  in  her  left. 

Of  every  sense  she  was  bereft. 

But  goose  girls  all  are  quick  and  deft. 

All  of  them  wonderful  jumpers  are. 
Miss  Maybelle  jumped  so  high  and  far 
She  barely  missed  the  morning  star. 

The  man  who  in  the  moon  does  dwell 

Threw  out  a  rope  and  gave  a  yell, 

But  Maybelle  missed  it  and  down  she  fell. 


Ski  quickly  from  the  sky  she  flashed. 
If  on  the  ground  that  girl  had  crashed 
I  fe»r  she  would  have  been  all  mashed. 

With  nothing  there  her  fall  to  break 
It  surely  seemed  as  if  'twould  make 
Poor  Maybeile  look  like  pounded  steak. 

If  on  that  hillside  she  had  struck 

She  would  have  been  a  dead  gone  duck. 

Bmt  happily  she  had  good  luck. 

fSfie  didn't  strike  the  ground.    Instead 

She  lit  upon  that  bobcat's  head. 

It  gave  one  howl  and  then  went  dead. 

'Twas  driven  right  into  the  ground. 
About  six  feet  or  more,  we  found. 
And  Maybeile  rose  up  with  a  bound. 

It  didn't  do  her  any  harm 
Except  to  bruise  her  on  the  arm. 
But  now  she  shouted  in  alarm. 

Some  people  heard  Miss  Maybeile  shout 
And  all  of  them  came  running  out — 
Rve-hundred  folks,  or  thereabout. 

Thoy  quickly  carried  Maybeile  down. 

They  took  her  to  DELANO  town, 

Tbey  crowned  her  with  a  gold-leaf  crown. 

Tliey  said,  "Brave  girl,  you  beat  the  band. 
"What  you  have  done  is  simply  grand. 
We  all  would  like  to  shake  your  hand." 

lawy  passed  her  by,  a  mighty  throng. 

A  thousand  people  marched  along 

And  shook  her  hand  both  good  and  strong. 

They  shook  her  hand  with  might  and  main, 
They  shook  it  till  it  ached  with  pain. 
And  then  they  shook  it  well  again. 

Mftis  Maybell-e  then  to  home  returned. 
She  thought  that  she  a  rest  had  earned 
And  wished  to  be  where  home  fires  burned. 

Miss  Maybeile  she  is  living  still 

Near  DELANO,  by  the  Goose  Girl's  hill. 

The  neighbors  hope  she  always  will. 

6 


THE  GREAT  COYOTE  DRIVE 


How  many  folks  I've  often  wondered 
Know  how  coyotes  by  the  hundred 
Near  a  certain  town  once  had  their  lair 
Among  the  rocks  and  bushes  there? 

I  much  dislike  that  town  to  name 
Because  'twas  once  considered  shame 
For  those  coyotes  to  be  seen 
Around  the  towns  of  San  Joaquin. 

But  since  the  goose  girls  cleared  the  region 

Of  those  coyotes  by  the  legion, 

And  raised  prize  pigs  to  take  their  place, 

*Tis  not  considered  such  disgrace. 

So  please  don't  waggle  your  finger  in  shame 

When  the  city  of  MERCED  I  name. 

Those  fierce  coyotes  are  ugly  as  sin. 

At  night  they  make  a  horrible  din. 

They  yowl  and  howl  and  raise  the  dickens, 

Robbing  the  ranches  of  babies  and  chicken*. 

For  the  babies  of  course  the  folks  care  nix, 

But  it's  awful  to  lose  those  little  chicks. 

I  will  the  story  now  relate. 

How  those  coyotes  met  their  fate. 

And  show  what  boys  and  girls  can  do 

Whose  hearts  are  brave  and  kind  and  true. 

How  from  a  hundred  schools,  the  pupils 
Went  to  MERCED  one  day,  in  couples, 
And  those  coyotes  killed  or  drove 
Into  the  great  Sequoia  grove. 
Not  one  is  left,  with  howls  and  whoops. 
To  raid  the  MERCED  chicken  coops. 

Our  schools  are  each  a  model  school, 
Our  kids  obey  the  golden  rule, 
Which  says  to  others  you  must  do 
As  you'd  have  others  do  to  you. 

Just  like  a  sister  or  a  brother. 
Be  kind  and  loving  to  each  other. 
And  in  our  Sunshine-land,  I  swear, 
The  kids  obey  this  rule  with  care. 
The  boys  and  girls  do  what  is  right 
And  love  each  other  with  all  their  might. 


Boys  and  girls,  they  stop  at  no  labors 
To  help  each  other  and  help  out  the  neighbors. 
And  that's  why  they  went  that  day  in  pairs 
To  chase  those  coyotes  out  of  their  lairs. 

Too  long  those  coyotes  had  taken  their  pickln's 

From  the  ranch-house  babies  and  barnyard  chickens. 

And  the  boys  and  girls  of  every  school 

Have  hearts  that  are  warm  and  heads  that  are  cool. 

To  kill  the  coyotes  they  all  were  willing, 

And  the  babies  too,  if  they  needed  killing. 

So  they  counted  noses  one  bright  day 
And  toward  MERCED  took  up  their  way. 
I  can  only  mention  just  a  few 
Who  joined  that  day  the  hunting  crew. 
And  this  is  the  order,  two  by  two, 
That  they  marched  away  and  out  of  view. 

Armand  and  Gladys,  lively  and  gay, 

"Shouldered  rifles  and  led  the  way. 

IJlose  behind  them  Lulu  and  Arthur 

yent  all  the  way  and  then  went  farther. 

iimmie  and  Lotta,  brave  and  strong, 

Sach  carried  a  club  eleven  feet  long. 

A.nd  close  behind  them  Mary  and  Andy 
Instead  of  clubs  carried  sticks  of  candy. 

Those  I  have  mentioned  think  walking  sport, 
And  took  the  route  that  is  rough  and  short, 
Through  vineyard,  orchard,  field  and  forest — 
I  never  heard  whose  feet  got  sorest. 
Most  of  the  others  were  driving  or  riding, 
A  few  on  roller  skates  were  sliding. 
But  riding  or  sliding,  however  they  came. 
The  band  all  got  there  just  the  same. 

They  marched  by  highway,  ditch  and  vineyard, 

Sometimes  out  and  sometimes  inward. 

Till  they  came  to  where  the  way  was  rough 

And  they  had  to  get  down  and  go  it  a-hoof. 

Poor  liUle  Henry  gave  out,  they  say, 

And  Emma  carried  him  most  of  the  way. 

To  name  them  all  I  cannot  bother — 

lone  and  William  and  many  another. 

Frederick  fair  and  Raymond  swarthy, 

Merry  Muriel  and  solemn  young  Dor'thy. 

At  the  foot  of  the  line,  last  girl  and  boy. 

Back  by  themselves  came  Tessie  and  Roy. 

At  the  head  of  the  line,  bravely  leading  them  on, 

Was  a  goose  girl  fair  who  went  all  alone. 

8 


*Twas  Paula  Pearl  Pinch,  the  only  giTl  there 
Who  had  no  boy  with  whom  to  pair. 
Or  if  she  had,  she  didn't  choose  him. 
Or  else  had  managed  somehow  to  lose  him. 
I're  heard  odd  tales  about  Paula  PearL 
If  half  of  them's  true  I  pity  that  girl. 

However,  let  each  one  do  his  own  duty. 

And  let  Paula  Pearl  chew  her  own  tutti-frutti. 

I  only  know  that  alone  that  day 

She  led  the  brave  hunters  upon  their  way. 

As  quickly  as  the  hunt  begun 
They  had  the  coyotes  on  the  run. 
Behind  the  rocks,  from  all  the  holes, 
They  poked  coyotes  with  their  poles. 

By  dozens  first  and  then  by  hundreds 
Coyotes  toward  the  mountains  thundered. 
By  thousands  then,  by  millions  soon, 
Did  those  coyotes  yelp  and  run. 

With  guns  and  clubs,  those  kids  for  miles 
Had  dead  coyotes  heaped  in  piles. 
Mary  killed  nine  with  her  stick  of  candy, 
Paula  killed  scores  with  whatever  came  Imnd). 

They  killed  nine  thousand  and  fifty-three, 
The  rest  were  crippled  or  got  away  free. 
But  not  until  the  whole  great  drove 
Was  plunging  through  the  Giant  grove. 

The  last  that  was  seen  of  that  terrible  throjig 
It  was  going  still  and  going  strong. 
They  swam  a  river  and  jumped  a  fence 
And  have  never  been  seen  or  heard  from  since. 

When  home  the  hunters  came  a-flitting 

All  the  goose  girls  started  knitting. 

They  knitted  caps  of  purple  wool, 

The  kind  boys  wear  in  winter  to  school. 

Paula  Pearl,  she  knitted  too, 

A  pair  of  mits  for  I  don't  know  who. 

I  asked  Miss  Paula  Pearl  if  she 

Would  make  a  list  of  names  for  me 

Of  boys  and  girls  who  are  still  alive 

Who  were  in  that  great  coyote  drive. 

But  Paula  said,  "I  cannot,  can  I,  Ma? 

That  list  of  names  would  reach  to  Panama. 

Besides,  I  couldn't  remember,  even. 

You  know.  Uncle  Dan  D.,  I'm  only  eleven. 

And  I's  only  a  kid  in  my  cradle  bed 

When  they  drove  the  coyotes  out  of  MEROHD." 


THE  TERRIBLE  TEDDY  BEAR 

DINUBA  is  such  a  great  city 

With  people  it  ought  to  be  filled. 
So  few  live  there  that  it  seems  a  pity — 

But  those  few  are  strong  and  skilled. 
I  know  a  person  in  that  town 

Who  is  skilled  in  magic  power, 
A  goose  girl  she  of  great  renown 

Whose  name  is  Eva  Bauer. 

Before  the  war,  when  she  was  young, 
A  Teddy  bear  did  to  her  belong, 

The  queerest  of  all  her  pets. 
It  had  no  brains,  but  was  very  strong. 
It  was  six  feet  high  and  one  foot  long. 

It  looked  like  a  ladder  without  any  steps. 

One  day  little  Eva  was  having 

A  dolly's  make-believe  party, 
When  the  bear  began  misbehaving 

And  acting  like  a  smarty. 
Wishing  to  make  him  behave, 
A  smart  little  slap  Eva  gave 

That  naughty  and  mischievous  bear. 
With  an  angry  snap  and  snarl 
Teddy  jumped  upon  a  barrel 

And  caught  her  by  the  hair. 

Her  fright  became  so  great 
She  ran  out  through  the  gate. 
Speeding  onward  by  her  lonely 

There  was  none  to  help  or  stop  her. 
Behind  her  terrible  Teddy  only 

Leaped  along  like  a  great  grasshopper. 

People  rushed  out  from  everywhere 
To  watch  Miss  Eva  and  the  bear 

As  they  followed  the  railroad  past  MONSON. 
Folks  there  thought  Eva  was  getting  along 
Remarkably  well  for  a  girl  so  young. 

The  grocer  said,  "Ain't  she  a  bouncin'?" 

Miss  Eva  flew  from  town  to  town 

In  great  distress,  with  no  one  helping. 

Over  hills  and  hollows,  up  and  down, 

With  terrible  Teddy  behind  her  yelping. 

Over  the  mountains  she  fluttered  too, 

And  came  at  last  to  the  ocean  blue. 

Now  when  she  reached  the  edge  of  the  water 

She  thought  of  course  the  bear  had  got  her, 

But  she  stepped  aside  with  a  lively  motion 

And  Teddy  leaped  past  her  into  the  ocean. 

10 


There  he  plunged  about  in  rage  and  wonder 
Till  the  mighty  waves  had  soused  him  under. 
Folks  waited  and  watched  with  bags  in  hand 
Till  the  tide  had  washed  him  back  on  the  sand. 

Into  a  bag  then  soon  was  slipping 
The  terrible  Teddy,  drowned  and  dripping. 
They  buried  him  in  some  shady  ground 
And  planted  pink  lilies  on  the  mound. 

To  mark  the  spot  a  stone  was  placed. 

To  prove  my  tale  you  may  go  tomorrow 
And  read  these  words  which  Eva  traced 

Upon  the  stone  to  show  her  sorrow: 

"Here  lies  a  Teddy  bear  gone  to  his  rest. 
He  couldn't  catch  Eva  though  he  did  his  best. 

Once  he  was  one  of  her  precious  pets. 
But  he  got  so  he  wouldn't  obey  at  all. 
He  was  one  foot  long  and  six  feet  tall, 

And  looked  like  a  ladder  without  any  Steps.'* 


A  TRIP  TO   FRESNO   FAIR 

Nineteen-nineteen,  the  first  of  October, 
I  was  feeling  well  and  perfectly  Bober, 
So  I  washed  my  face  and  combed  my  hair 
And  went  for  a  trip  to  FRESNO  Fair. 
We  had  good  luck  and  the  fun  was  hearty. 
I'll  always  be  glad  I  went  with  that  party. 

We  rode  in  a  flivver  that  couldn't  be  beat, 
And  in  it  were  passengers  pretty  and  sweet. 
What  else  but  sweet  could  they  have  been, 
Two  goose  girls  of  the  San  Joaquin? 
One  four  and  dumpy,  one  twelve  and  tall — 
A  good-sized  goose  and  a  goosey  small. 

To  name  who  I  mean,  there  was  little  Freda, 
Who  didn't  look  like  a  kid  that  was  needy. 
There  was  no  nicer  baby  than  her 
In  her  brand  new  coat  of  fuzz  and  fur. 
Black  and  white  shoes  and  cunning  bonnet 
With  big  side-bows  of  ribbon  on  it. 

I'll  mention  next  Miss  Mildred  Batten. 
She  had  her  coat  and  she  had  her  hat  on. 
Her  shoes  were  white,  in  white  she  was  dressed, 
With  stockings  and  gloves  as  white  as  the  rest. 

11 


Her  bair  was  bobbed  in  the  latest  style. 
Her  eyes  were  so  bright  they  shone  a  milt. 
She  wae  queen  of  the  car  that  was  fitandine  ther* 
To  take  us  all  to  Fresno  Fair. 

AftiMT  a  sentence  comes  a  comma. 

And  after  Mildred  came  her  mama. 

She  was  all  dolled  up  and  looking  pleasant 

And  just  as  pretty  as  anyone  present. 

Say  what  you  please  and  believe  me  or  not, 

But  a  handsome  mama  is  worth  a  whole  lot, 

And  Mildred  and  Freda,  I'll  say  out  loud. 

Have  a  mama  of  whom  they  may  well  be  proud. 

Iiaat  there  were  Uncle  Dan  and  Frank, 
To  drive  the  car  or  spin  the  crank. 
But  the  less  that's  said  about  them,  I  guess, 
The  better,  for  men,  I  must  confess — 
Papas  and  make-believe  uncles  and  such, 
In  a  party  like  this  don't  amount  to  much. 

At  eight  o'clock,  with  the  morning  cool, 
We  were  speeding  past  Mount  Olive  school. 
When  the  neighbors  heard  our  auto  coming 
They  said  to  each  other,  "Look  who's  coming!" 
Many  stopped  work  and  came  running  fast 
To  stand  by  the  road  and  watch  us  go  past. 

At  SELMA,  watching  us  from  their  pen, 

Were  an  ostrich  rooster  and  a  hen. 

The  hen  she  cackled,  "Ain't  that  a  sight?" 

And  the  rooster  crowded  from  his  ten-foot  height: 

"Oogly,  googly — I  should  smile. 

If  that  girl  will  stay  in  SELMA  a  while, 

1*11  give  her  for  Christmas,  without  fail. 

The  finest  feather  in  my  tail." 

None  but  a  goose  girl  bom  and  bred 
Would  know  the  words  an  ostrich  said. 
But  Mildred  knew  what  he  said  to  her, 
And  called  politely,  "Thank  you,  sir." 

All  the  way,  as  our  jitney  flew, 
Folks  along  the  roadside  drew. 
The  people  hailed  us  with  a  shriek 
Aa  we  went  through  FOWLER  like  a  streak. 
ftl  MALAGA,  though  the  town  is  small, 
There  was  quite  a  bunch  by  the  factory  wall. 
And  when  we  reached  Fresno — O  my  land! 
The  way  folks  greeted  us  beat  the  band, 
Aa  out  to  the  fair  grounds  on  we  sped. 
With  miles  of  cars  behind  and  ahead. 

12 


First  of  all  we  started  in 

Spinning  wheels  a  Cupie  to  win. 

But  wheels  won't  stop  where  you  want  them  to, 

And  we  lost  in  spite  of  all  we  could  do. 

Frank  couldn't  win,  and  Uncle  Dan 

Did  worse  in  the  end  than  when  he  began. 

Mildred  too  took  a  hand  in  the  scramble, 

But  goose  girl  magic  is  no  good  to  gamble. 

So  we  don't  advise  our  friends  to  try  it — 

If  you  want  a  Cupie  you  better  just  buy  it. 

We  wandered  awhile  about  the  ground. 
We  took  a  ride  in  a  merry-go-round. 
We  saw  some  shows  and  funny  places, 
Ponies  performing  and  monkey  races. 

We  saw  the  livestock  in  their  pens, 

Cows  and  horses  and  pigs  and  hens. 

We  saw  such  fruit  as  can  only  be  seen 

In  the  valley  of  the  San  Joaquin, 

Where  the  sunshine  rich  such  magic  carries 

It  grows  big  goose  girls  out  of  wee  fairies, 

Peach  and  apricot,  plum  and  raisin — 

The  fruits  we  saw  were  simply  amazln'. 

We  went  so  high  in  a  Ferris  wheel 

It  scared  little  Freda  and  made  her  squeal. 

We  went  to  a  restaurant  to  eat. 

They  said  they  had  steak  that  couldn't  be  beat. 

It  couldn't  be  beaten  tender,  we  found. 

With  a  hammer  that  weighed  a  hundred  pound. 

One  o'clock  in  the  grandstand  found  us 

With  other  folks  in  the  seats  around  us. 

I'll  say  in  fact  there  were  more  than  a  few. 

There  must  have  been  a  million  or  two. 

But  though  we  were  crowded  in  so  tight. 

The  folks  were  all  quiet  and  polite. 

And  mama  and  Mildred  and  Freda,  I  swear. 

Were  the  nicest  behaved  of  any  there. 

But  Frank  and  Uncle  Dan,  I'll  say, 

Behaved  in  a  rather  skoochy  way. 

Some  colored  folks  came  up  on  the  benches 

And  Frank  made  eyes  at  the  lady  wenches. 

While  Uncle  Dan  on  the  other  side 

To  make  friends  with  a  nice  old  lady  tried. 

The  nice  old  lady  didn't  mind. 

And  talked  with  him  in  a  manner  kind. 

To  try  and  tell  I  wouldn't  dare 
Of  all  the  things  we  saw  at  the  fair — 
Push-ball,  races,  flying  machine, 
Sakes  only  knows  what  all  we  seen. 

18 


3ut  one  thing  special  I'll  never  forget, 
it  makes  me  shiver  to  think  of  it  yet. 
Two  locomotives,  with  terrible  rattle — 
Think  of  it — fighting  an  iron  battle, 
Mixed  up  in  a  fiery  hurly-burly 
All  on  account  of  an  innocent  girlie 
Whom  each  of  them  wanted  to  carry  away. 
Neither  one  got  her,  I'm  glad  to  say. 

Those  two  locomotives  were  out  on  the  ground 
In  the  center  field  that  the  track  runs  round. 
The  names  of  the  engines  standing  there 
Were  "Raisin  Special"  and  "Fresno  Fair." 
They  were  always  backing  or  going  ahead. 
And  the  goose  girls  listened  to  what  they  said. 
Perhaps  you  think  I'm  only  bluffing 
And  will  claim  those  engines  were  only  puffing. 
If  that's  what  you  think,  you're  off  your  head, 
For  Mildred  told  me  just  what  they  said. 

Said  Raisin  Special  to  Fresno  Fair, 

"Do  you  see  my  girl  in  the  grandstand  there, 

That  pretty  girl  in  the  dark  gray  tam?" 

Said  Fresno  Fair,  "Shut  up,  you  clam! 

That  girl  is  mine,  and  so  is  the  kid 

In  the  fuzzy  coat  and  the  lacy  lid, 

That  baby  whose  cap  has  side  bows  on  it." 

Said  Raisin  Special,  "You  lie,  dog  on  it! 

If  you  make  a  move  those  kids  to  grab, 

I'll  knock  your  smokestack  through  your  cab." 

It  made  Uncle  Dan  D.  mad  to  listen, 
Because  he  thinks  those  kids  are  his'n. 
But  papa  and  mama  laughed  at  the  fuss     ' 
And  said,  "Those  kiddies  belong  to  us." 

But  those  locomotives  kept  up  the  quarrel, 
Daring  each  other  with  hiss  and  snarl. 
They  backed  away  and  they  came  up  close 
And  tickled  each  other  on  the  nose. 
At  last  one  gave  the  other  a  clout 
And  they  settled  down  to  fight  it  out. 
They  came  together  with  a  fearful  crash 
And  ground  each  other  into  hash. 

it  was  lucky  that  neither  should  survive. 

For  if  either  engine  was  left  alive 

No  doubt  it  would,  in  its  pain  and  fury, 

Have  grabbed  those  girls  and  skipped  for  Missonri, 

And  mama  and  papa  and  Mr.  Fritz 

And  Uncle  Dan  would  have  all  had  fits. 

But  we  all  came  happily  home  from  the  fair 

And  left  those  engines  lying  there. 

14 


THE  GOOSE  GIRL  MARCH 

A  mile  and  a  half  from  the  town  of  TULARE 
I  went  to  a  party,  dressed  with  care, 
And  met  a  lot  of  goose  girls  there. 

All  went  well  until  Cicely  Shedd, 

With  a  ilag  in  her  hand,  stood  up  on  a  bed 

Where  all  could  see  her,  and  loudly  said: 

"You  folks  around  the  pi-a-no, 
Somewhere  else  you'll  have  to  go. 
Step  along  and  don't  be  slow. 

"Zona  the  goose  girl  is  going  to  play, 
Open  your  ears  when  you  hear  her  say, 
Shoo-fly,  get  out  of  the  way." 

Perched  upon  the  music  seat. 

Zona  sat  up  straight  and  neat. 

Put  out  her  hands,  put  out  her  feet. 

She  wiggled  her  toes  with  perfect  ease. 

Ran  her  fingers  over  the  keys 

And  made  them  hum  like  a  swarm  of  bees. 

They  hummed  so  gay  and  then  so  tragic. 
They  hummed  so  wigglety-wagglety-wagic. 
For  Zona  plays  with  goose  girl  magic. 

The  night  I  heard  Miss  Zona  play 
I  grew  so  sad  I  tried  to  go  way. 
And  then  so  glad  I  had  to  stay. 

The  first  piece  was  so  mournful 

It  made  me  want  to  beat  it, 
Called  "Candy  might  as  well  be  cabbage 

'Less  there's  goose  girls  round  to  eat  it." 

The  second  piece  Miss  Zona  played 

Was  full  of  noble  feeling, 
Called  "You  never  miss  the  peaches 

Till  there's  nothing  left  but  peeling." 

The  third  piece  that  she  played 

Made  me  jump  with  joy  to  hear  it, 

It  was  called  "The  Goose  Girl  March," 
And  was  full  of  fun  and  spirit. 

"Soda  pop  a-popping,  pop-corn  a-parching," 

That  was  the  march  that  I  heard  Zona  play. 

"Hats  off,  heads  up,  the  goose  girls  are  marching- 
January,  February,  March,  march  away." 

15 


The  iolks  who  heard  those  marching  airs 
Got  up  from  sofas  and  from  chairs 
And  started  marching  round  in  pairs. 

Both  Zona  and  her  piano, 

And  the  seat  she  sat  on,  started  slow 

And  began  a-marching  to  and  fro. 

The  seat  she  sat  on  went  a-jumping, 

The  big  piano  went  a-bumping. 

And  Zona  went  with  fingers  thumping. 

Thumping,  bumping,  you  could  hear 
That  goose  girl  going  there  and  here, 
Through  kitchen,  bedrooms,  front  room,  rear. 

With  goose  girl  magic  she  started  to  soar, 
Up  to  the  ceiling  and  down  to  the  floor. 
Out  at  the  window  and  in  at  the  door. 

Every  one  ran  from  the  goose  girl  elf. 

Some  began  with  fright  to  yelp. 

And  some  marched  out  to  look  for  help. 

XTp  the  road  they  marched,  and  down. 
Some  marched  home  and  some  to  town. 
And  some  just  marched  around  and  round. 

The  piano  went  boomity-boom 

Till  no  one  else  was  left  in  the  room 

But  Zona  and  her  best  girl  chum. 

Those  goose  girls  marched  into  TULARE, 

That's  where  they  always  go. 
They  marched  into  a  candy  shop 

And  then  to  a  movie  show. 


UP  AND  AWAY  AT  OLD  DEL  REY 

OROSI  has  a  school  renowned, 

Likewise  has  LEMON  COVE, 
And  CALWA  too.    But  I  have  found 

One  school  all  schools  above. 

Upon  the  way  to  fair  DEL  REY 

That  schoolhouse  is  a  feature. 
There  kids  are  taught  to  fly,  and  have 

A  special  flying  teacher. 

16 


That  school  it  is  a  noble  school, 
The  best  in  Sunshine-land. 

Its  noble  teachers  wisely  rule, 
Its  kids  are  a  noble  band. 

I  mean  they  would  be  noble  if 

They  weren't  so  pert  and  naughty. 

They  would  be  wise  and  studious  if 
They  weren't  so  dumb  and  dotty. 

The  practice  squad  went  up  one  day 
With  all  the  children  in  it. 

Who  they  were  and  vviiither  bound 
I'll  tell  you  in  a  minute. 

First  came  Miss  Edgar 
Who  rode  in  the  head  car 

As  a  special  feature, 
With  Leon  and  Martha 
Both  acting  the  smarty 

To  show  off  to  teacher. 

Then  came  Mary  and  Walter 
Who  carried  a  halter 

To  hitch  on  behind. 
Then  Eva  and  Roland 
On  their  way  to  Poland 

A  flag  pole  to  find. 
And  Edwin  and  Velma 
On  their  way  to  SELMA, 

Both  out  of  their  mind. 


There  were  Satnig  and  Avlyn 
Some  yarn  a  rav-lin' 

To  knit  them  a  sweater; 
And  Mildred  and  Mike 
On  a  broken  down  bike, 

'Cause  they  had  none  better. 


There  were  Rosa  and  Wilma 
Who  said  "You  may  kill  me 

But  I'll  never  come  back. 
And  Lemuel,  with  Lucy 
Like  a  poor  little  goosey 

Saying  "Quack — quack — quack ! " 

So  away  flew  the  kids  of  the  flying  squad, 
Up,  up  in  the  biggest  of  aeroplanes — 

Up  where  it's  never  too  hot  or  too  cool. 

Where  it's  always  cloudy  but  never  rains. 

17 


And  I  hope  they  never  come  back  again 

For  nobody  cares  about  them. 
They  were  naughty  kids,  as  I've  told  you  plain. 

And  their  parents  can  do  without  them. 

But  the  thing  that  hurt  poor  Uncle  Dan 
And  is  still  his  old  heart  breaking. 

There  were  goose  girls  two  in  that  naughty  crew, 
Their  native  land  forsaking. 

I  could  forgive  a  Bolshevik 

Who  stole  a  baby's  candy, 
But  a  goose  girl  leaving  San  Joaquin 

Can't  be  forgiven  by  Dan  D. 

What  do  you  know  and  what  do  you  think, 

And  what  have  you  got  to  say 
Of  a  goose  girl  who  would  up  and  leave 

The  green  fields  round  DEL  REY? 


THE  CROCHET  QUEEN 

Mildred  Merl  Batten 

Don't  dress  in  satin. 
But  there's  no  prettier  girl  in  REEDLEY. 

Her  dark  eyes  are  dreamy. 

Her  soft  cheeks  are  creamy, 
She's  a  lovely  girl  indeed-ly. 

Now  pretty  was 

As  pretty  does 
When  Uncle  Dan  went  to  school. 

And  prove  I  will 

That  a  goose  girl  still 
Can  keep  that  good  old  rule. 

For  Mildred  Merl 

Is  a  wonderful  girl 
Who  does  things  in  a  wonderful  way. 

But  the  wonderful  thing 

Of  which  I  sing 
Is  the  way  that  she  can  crochet. 

When  Mildred  gets  busy 

She's  like  a  tin  Lizzie, 
Her  work  is  so  speedy  and  tony. 

She  eats  up  thread 

Like  mama  eats  bread 
Or  papa  eats  macaroni. 

18 


As  she  sv/ii'tly  crochets 

Her  rocking  chair  sv/ays 
And  sometimes  spins  like  a  top. 

She  can  make  a  sweater 

Far  nicer  and  betler 
Than  you'd  buy  in  a  REEDLEY  shop. 

She  crochets  lace 

At  a  terrible  pace. 
When  she  makes  up  her  mind  to  begin  it, 

I'll  venture  to  say 

That  she  will  crochet 
A  mile  of  lace  in  a  minute. 

Goodness  knows 

What  scarfs  and  throws 
She  crochets  by  the  armful. 

The  house  is  crammed, 

The  porches  jammed, 
And  soon  she'll  have  the  barnful. 

I  told  her  once 

She  was  a  dunce 
To  work  so  hard  and  steady. 

She  said,  "My  land! 

I  think  it's  grand — 
I'll  stop  when  I  am  ready." 

Now  Mildred  Merl 

Is  a  real  nice  girl, 
But  I  fear  that  her  mind  is  unjointed. 

Unless  I'm  mistaking 

Her  young  heart  is  breaking 
'Cause  in  love  she  has  been  disappointed. 

Her  very  best  fellow 

Turned  out  to  be  yellow. 
Cops  caught  him  and  put  him  in  prison. 

Now  when  she's  crocheting 

She's  always  saying, 
'Tm  no  longer  a  girl  of  Uis'n." 

They  say  work  will  often 

A  heart-ache  soften. 
Which  is  why  Mildred  Merl  is  so  willin*. 

By  crocheting,  I  bet 

She  hopes  to  forget 
That  her  beau  is  a  hard-boiled  villain. 

This  may  not  be  so. 

But  one  thing  I  know, 
Mildred's  equal  has  never  been  seen. 

And  I  leave  it  to  you. 

Give  that  girl  her  due. 
And  let's  call  her  the  Crochet  Queen. 

19 


WHAT    LEILA    GOT    FOR    CHRISTMAS 


The  moon  was  full  (my  speech  excuse — 
'Twas  full  of  beauty,  not  of  booze), 
Full  and  fair  it  floated  o'er 
The  pleasant  city  of  LEMOORE. 

*Twas  nine  o'clock,  an  hour,  it  seems. 
When  goose  girls  should  be  lost  in  dreams. 
But  Leila  Farley  was  not  in  bed. 
She  was  planning  Christmas  things  instead. 

The  folks  at  Farley's  ranch  that  night 
Were  sitting  round  the  kitchen  light. 
They  were  seated  round  the  stove  at  rest, 
Each  one  doing  what  pleased  him  best. 

Mama  and  baby  were  spinning  a  top. 
Papa  was  worrying  about  the  crop. 
Dirk  was  eating  bread  and  jell, 
And  John  was  reading  the  Sentinel. 

Leila  was  sitting  quiet  and  pleasant 
Thinking  about  a  Christmas  present. 
She  was  wondering  what  she  wanted  most, 
Who  would  get  it  and  what  it  would  cost. 

She  thought  she  would  like  a  diamond  ring, 
Or  one  of  those  little  tin  birds  that  sing, 
Or  a  bar  of  soap  or  a  bag  of  candy, 
Or  a  limousine  car  might  come  in  handy. 

As  Leila  mused  there  came  into  view 
A  little  fairy,  dressed  all  in  blue. 
Her  eyes  were  dark  and  dark  her  hair, 
And  wee  white  slippers  she  did  wear. 

Right  on  the  stove  stood  the  fairy  elf. 
"Look  out,"  cried  Leila,  "you'll  burn  yourself.' 
But  the  fairy  laughed  and  cried  with  glee, 
"Fire  can't  burn  good  folks  like  me." 

"I  have  been  told,"  said  the  fairy  elf, 
"That  you  are  quite  a  good  girl  yourself. 
And  I  have  come  this  evening  pleasant 
To  show  you  what  will  be  your  present. 

"I  know  it  will  give  you  a  great  surprise 
To  see  it  appear  before  your  eyes. 
But  that  is  what  I  will  make  it  do. 
Look  close  and  it  will  come  into  view." 


"LmilA  i&oked  where  i&e  fairy  palBted, 

At  tlie  celling  where  the  store-pipe  ;joinleii. 

And  sure  enough  she  saw  op  there 

Stome  lovely  presents  floating  in  air. 

Tbere  were  a  frock  and  a  smock, 
A  watch  and  a  clock, 
A  raincoat  and  umbrella, 
A  handsome  boy  fellow, 
A  pink  silk  jacket, 
A  tennis  racket. 

There  were  a  ball  and  a  shawl, 

A  bicycle  and  tricycle, 
A  hair  net  and  ribbon, 
A  doll  with  a  bib  on. 

There  were  needles  and  thread 

And  pins  for  the  hair. 
Cake,  pie  and  bread 

And  a  rocking  chair. 

There  were  brushes  and  combs. 

Gloves  and  a  fan, 
And  some  typewriten  poems 
From  Uncle  Dan. 

There  were  dozens  of  other  beautiful  things, 
Automobiles  and  diamond  rings, 
Chocolate  drops  and  nigger  toes. 
And  tiokets  to  all  the  movie  shows. 

Leila's  eyes  began  to  shine. 

She  cried  to  the  fairy,  "Which  is  mine?" 

"That  I  won't  tell,"  said  the  little  elf. 

"I  leave  it  to  you  to  find  out  for  yourself." 

"I  hope  you  like  it,  whatever  it  is. 
I  wished  for  myself  a  little  tin  Liz 
Not  much  more  big  than  a  pepper-shaker, 
But  you  better  wish  for  a  Studdybaker. 

^'Good-night,  Miss  Leila.    I  must  now  disappear. 
What  your  present  will  be  I  hope  you  hear. 
If  you  have  an  uncle  who  likes  you  well, 
Perhaps  he  might  be  able  to  tell." 

The  day  behind  Christmas  I  passed  thru  LEMOORE. 

I  called  upon  Leila  and  knew  the  first  look 
What  present  she  got  by  what  she  wore — 

A  bracelet  watch  on  the  hand  that  I  shook. 

No  fairy  of  course  had  Leila  seen. 

She  only  dreamed  it,  because  you  know 
There  are  no  fairies  in  San  Joaquin — 

They  all  turned  to  goose  girls  long  ago. 

21 


THE  TRUTH  ABOUT  MEASLES 

War  is  exciting,  I  won't  deny  it. 

Earthquakes  give  you  a  scare. 
An  oil  well  afire  is  a  pretty  riot, 

And  BAKERSFIELD  had  her  share. 

But  war  and  quakes  and  floor  and  fire, 
Though  these  may  terror  yield, 

Never  have  caused  a  time  so  dire 

As  when  the  measles  hit  BAKERSFIELD. 

Goose  girls  vfere  caught  like  flies. 

Nearly  every  one  was  a  victim. 
They  fought  the  measles  bravely, 

But  mostly  the  measles  licked  'em. 

Folks  talk  about  catching  the  measles. 
But  ask  the  goose  girls  about  it. 

They'll  tell  you  those  folks  are  liars. 
And  right  out  loud  they'll  shout  it. 

They'll  tell  you  plainly  and  quickly, 

In  tones  as  high  as  a  steeple, 
That  people  don't  catch  the  measles, 

It's  the  measles  catches  people. 

They  know  'cause  the  measles  caught  them, 
Chased  them  all  round  and  caught  them, 

Chased  them  from  school,  and  at  home 

Found  out  where  they  hid  and  got  them. 

The  measles  are  little  red  nippers 

That  tickle  you,  freeze  you  and  warm  you. 
If  you  want  to  know  all  about  them 

The  goose  girls  will  gladly  inform  you. 

The  nippers  chased  Dora  Allison 
Till  they  almost  drove  her  crazy. 

Getting  chased  around  like  that 
Is  hard  on  a  girl  that's  lazy. 

For  a  week  or  more  Dora  had  heard 
The  nippers  around  her  buzzing. 

Their  noise  is  an  out-loud  whisper. 
Like  fairies  fighting  and  fussing. 

When  chased  by  a  black  bear  once 

Dora  flew  over  a  river. 
But  the  bear  couldn't  fly,  and  he 

Went  down  like  a  skidding  flivver. 

22 


But  you  can't  fool  a  measle  like  that, 

'Cause  a  measle  can  swim  in  the  water. 

So  Dora  ran  home  and  hid  herself 

In  the  cooler — but  there  they  got  her. 

Dora's  chum,  Irma  Neff,  residing  in  KERN, 
Was  bragging  they  hadn't  got  her. 

When  her  mama  asked,  "Do  you  hear  them?** 
She  answered,  "Huh,  not  a  stir." 

Said  she,  "They  better  not  touch  me. 

I'll  kill  them  just  like  a  weasel. 
A  girl  that  has  killed  a  grizzly 

Ain't  afraid  of  a  measly  measle." 

Just  then  she  cried,  "Ouch — gracious! 

I  guess  they're  going  to  git  me." 
Her  mama  asked,  "What's  the  matter?" 

And  she  said,  "A  measle  bit  me." 

Those  two  girls  at  last  gave  in. 

The  little  red  nippers  got  'em 
And  whipped  'em  good — though  I  must  admit 

The  goose  girls  bravely  fought  'em. 

They  didn't  laugh  when  the  nippers  tickled 
Nor  cry  when  frozen  or  warmed. 

Indeed,  they  would  neither  laugh  nor  cry 
As  the  measles  over  them  stormed. 

But  they  were  glad  when  the  worst  was  over 
And  the  nippers  were  getting  tired. 

To  keep  from  getting  too  hot  or  too  cold 
Those  girls  had  all  they  desired. 

The  doctor  gave  them  pickled  frost 

To  eat  when  they  wished  to  get  chilly. 

And  Uncle  Dan  he  wrote  this  poem 
To  make  them  hot,  it's  so  silly. 


A  SORROWFUL  SIGHT  IN  SANGER 

In  SANGER  you  will  always  meet 

Lovely  sun-maids,  ladies  fair. 

But  lazy  are  the  goose  girls  there — 
Lazy  girls,  though  proud  and  neat. 

23 


There  ene  evening  as  1  strayed  -^ 

I  saw  two  goose  girls  in  the  sltade,  ^ 

Out  to  take  the  evening  alP 
Seated  in  a  rocking  chair. 

T*  watch  them  there  it  made  me  ma^, 
Such  a  lazy  style  they  had. 
Lolling  there  upon  the  lawn, 

Tieath  a  tree,  and  looking  weary. 
KoOiing  did  they  do  but  yawn. 

Nothing  said,  but  "Hum— O  dearie!" 

There  they  sat  beneath  that  tree 
Blinking  their  eyes  and  drinking  tea, 

Nodding  their  heads  and  eating  taffy. 

They  were  pretty  girls  and  should  hare  been  happy. 
But  they  seemed  as  sad  as  aad  can  be. 

Said  I,  "You  two. 

What's  the  matter  with  you? 
Croose  girls  ought  to  be  glad, 
But  you  two  seem  to  be  sad — 

Tell  me  your  trouble,  do." 

Said  Nina,  "Boo-hoo! 

I  don't  know  what  to  do. 

It  hurts  my  feet  to  walk, 

It  hurts  my  tongue  to  talk, 

And  I  don't  know  what  to  do — 

Boo-hoo ! 
I  don't  know  what  to  do." 

Said  Carrie,  "Boo-hoo! 

Me  too, 
I  don't  know  what  to  do. 
It  hurts  my  head  to  think, 
It  hurts  my  eyes  to  wink, 
And  I  don't  know  what  to  do— 

Boo-hoo ! 
I  don't  know  what  to  do." 

Said  I,  "You  two, 

ril  tell  you  what  to  do. 

You  better  get  out  of  here  quick 

Before  I  give  you  a  lick 

With  this  prickly  plum-tree  stick. 

ni  teach  you  what  to  do. 

You  two, 
111  make  you  cry  boo-hoo." 

Alas! — I  might  have  guessed 
That  goose  girls  thus  addressed 
In  a  rough,  unkindly  spirit 
Would  refuse  to  stay  and  heart  it. 

24 


While  I  scolded  them,  I  heard 
Nina  speak  a  magic  word, 
A  magic  sign  Miss  Carrie  made, 
A  finger  on  her  left  ear  laid. 

At  once  they  rose  up  in  the  air. 
Rose  and  sailed — I  don't  know  where — 
Leaving  me  their  empty  chair. 
Which  I  settled  with  a  bound  in 
And  at  once  was  sleeping  sound  in. 

Whenever  a  lazy  girl  I've  met, 

I've  tried  with  a  stick  to  whang  her, 

And  the  sorrowful  sight  I'll  never  forget 
That  I  saw  that  day  in  SANGER. 


ERIE  DAY  AND  THE  FAIRY  FAY 


A  goose  girl  tall  and  slender 
Grew  up  in  Sunshine-land. 

Her  home  was  not  in  KINGSBURG, 
But  some  where  near  at  hand. 


At  school  she  led  her  classes, 

A  thing  she  took  much  pride  in. 

She  walked  to  school  of  a  morning, 
Not  having  a  car  to  ride  in. 

This  goose  girl's  name  was  Erie, 
Her  full  name  Erie  Day. 

Folks  thought  she  was  a  dearie. 
Some  said  she  was  too  gay. 

They  say  she  never  got  weary 
Either  of  work  or  play. 


All  by  her  lonely  Erie 

Was  going  to  school  one  day, 
When  along  the  road  came  dancing 

A  fine  little  fairy  fay. 

No  bigger  she  was  than  a  bean  pod, 
In  a  gown  of  blue  and  gray 

All  covered  with  bright  little  flowers 
Like  dew-drops  on  a  spray. 


25 


Said  the  fairy,  "Good  morning,  Miss  Erie." 
Today  I  am  giving  out  wishes. 

You  may  catch  three  wishes  this  morning. 
Like  a  Chinaman  catches  fishes, 

But  I  hope  you're  not  like  most  folks 
Who  wish  for  nothing  but  riches." 

Said  Erie,  "I  want  to  have  music 
To  make  me  be  good  and  gay. 

I  wish  good  health  to  make  me  strong 
For  work  and  also  play, 

And  I  want  some  oranges  to  eat — 
I'd  like  a  few  each  day.'* 

The  fairy  waved  her  wand 

And  before  you  could  say  Jim  Crow, 
Three  persons  that  were  Three  Wishes 

Stood  in  front  of  her  in  a  row. 

The  first  was  a  Musical  Lady 

In  a  dress  that  was  lacy  and  long. 

Miss  Erie  knew  she  was  Music 

Because  sh3  was  singing  a  song 

And  ringing  a  little  bell 

With  a  tune  that  went  ding-dong. 

The  next  was  a  boy  called  Health, 

A  boy  as  fat  as  butter. 
He  had  dimples  so  deep  and  fat 

They  put  his  face  in  a  clutter, 
And  his  mouth  was  so  roly-poly 

He  could  only  talk  with  a  stutter. 

The  third  was  an  Orange  Man 

Who  gave  Erie  a  great  surprise 

For  he  had  orange  ears  and  nose 
And  oranges  for  eyes. 

He  wasn't  the  least  bit  handsome 

But  he  seemed  to  be  kind  and  wise. 

The  Musical  Lady  rang  her  bell 
And  spoke  a  magic  fairy  spell — 

HIckery — dickery,  six  and  seven, 

Allabone — crackabone,  ten  and  eleven. 

Water  bum  and  fire  flow — 

You  shall  have  a  pi-an-o. 

The  Orange  Man,  who  lives  on  Smith  Monntaln, 

Pointed  a  finger  and  started  countin*. 

He  counted  slowly,  "One — two — three. 

Your  last  wish,  Erie,  is  up  to  me. 

I  live  in  an  orange  orchard,  , 

26 


Some  are  ripe,  some  only  in  bloom. 
Whenever  you  want  some  oranges 

Don't  be  afraid  to  come. 
Pick  one — pick  six — pick  eleven — 

Pick  a  peck  to  carry  home." 

Now  all  of  a  sudden  Miss  Erie 

Was  left  alone  to  stare. 
The  fairy  fay  and  her  Wishes  Three. 

Were  no  longer  standing  there. 

The  fairy  fay  turned  into  a  flower 
That  bloomed  by  the  roadside  fair. 

The  Musical  Lady  became  a  bird 
And  soared  away  in  the  air. 

The  boy  that  was  fat  as  butter 

Turned  into  a  Teddy  bear. 
The  orange  man  turned  to  an  orange  tree 

And  was  handsome  then,  I  declare. 

Miss  Erie  went  on  to  school 

As  happy  as  happy  can  be. 
She  never,  never  told  any  one 

About  those  Wishes  Three, 
But  goose  girls  know  each  other's  thoughts 

And  one  of  her  chums  told  me. 

I  know  that  she  got  the  wishes 

That  were  given  to  her  by  the  fairy. 

Her  papa  he  bought  a  piano 

Whose  music  now  makes  home  cheery. 

She  is  rosy  with  health  and  can  play 
All  day  without  getting  weary. 

And  the  orange  man  upon  the  mountain 
Is  tending  his  orchard  for  Erie. 


There  is  some  mistake  about  Miss  Day. 
What  it  was  she  saw  'tis  hard  to  say, 
But  it  wasn't  a  fairy,  that  I  vow. 
For  there  are  no  fairies  around  here  now. 

Not  in  San  Joaquin,  you  understand. 
When  the  fairies  came  to  Sunshine-land 
The  sunshine  made  'em  grow  so  tall 
They  turned  to  goose  girls,  one  and  all. 

Still,  the  KINGSBURG  girls  are  mighty  funny 
And  always  doing  things  to  vex  us. 

It  might  be  they  are  earning  money 
By  smuggling  fairies  in  from  Texas. 

27 


A  WHALE  OF  A  STORY 


In  a  ranch  house  near  VISALIA 
Lived  a  girl  named  Ethel  Gary. 

Sometimes  she's  very  sweet 
And  sometimes  not  so  very. 

Sometimes  she  wears  a  neck-tie, 

Sometimes  a  baby's  bib. 
Sometimes  she  tells  the  truth, 

Sometimes  she  tells  a  fib. 

The  other  day  she  told  me 

A  tale  that  she  claims  is  true. 

I  didn't  half  believe  it 

And  neither,  I  fear,  will  you. 

But  as  Ethel  is  a  goose  girl 

I've  got  to  take  her  word. 
Though  her  tale  it  was  the  strangest 

That  ever  I  have  heard. 

She's  to  blame  if  it  is  false, 

If  it's  true,  I'll  take  the  glory. 

But  whether  true  or  false 

I  call  it  a  whale  of  a  story. 

She  said  her  chum  named  Clara  Keyes, 
Who  is  living  near  SULTANA, 

Got  into  her  automobile 

And  started  for  Indiana. 

From  there  she  drove  to  Cuba, 
To  England,  France  and  Spain, 

To  Russia,  Japan  and  China, 
Then  started  home  again. 

Out  on  the  Pacific  ocean. 

Where  travel  is  rough,  she  reckoned, 
Clara  travelled  along  quite  slowly. 

About  fifty  miles  a  second. 

She  saw  a  great  big  whale 

And  took  a  sudden  notion 
To  turn  her  car  around 

And  chase  it  through  the  ocean. 

She  turned  around  too  quickly, 

Which  caused  her  car  to  upset. 

The  bottom  side  stayed  dry. 
But  the  top  side  it  got  wet. 


Nearby  floated  an  ice-berg 

And  the  car  turned  on  the  ice. 

The  ice  it  was  so  slippery 

It  made  the  car  turn  twice. 


And  when  it  had  got  started 
The  auto  couldn't  stop. 

It  kept  right  on  a-turning 
Flippety-flippety  flop. 


It  turned  over  ninety  times 

Out  there  on  the  ocean  blue. 

And  every  time  it  turned 

Poor  Clara  she  turned  to. 


It  did  not  kill  poor  Clara, 

But  it  gave  her  an  awful  wallop. 
So  she  jumped  upon  the  whale's  back 

And  rode  home  in  a  gallop. 


When  Ethel  told  this  story 

To  her  friend,  old  Uncle  Dan  D. 

It  made  him  feel  so  sorry 

That  he  swallowed  some  colored  candy. 


He  swallowed  the  colored  candy 
Because  he  wanted  to  die. 

But  the  candy  did  not  kill  him, 
It  only  made  him  cry. 


He  began  to  cry  in  the  morning 
And  cried  out  loud  all  day. 

He  cried  while  he  was  at  work 

And  cried  while  he  was  at  play. 


He  cried  so  long  and  hard, 

His  tears  so  thick  they  rolled. 

They  made  him  awful  wet 

And  he  caught  a  dreadful  cold. 


But  when  Ethel  told  him  that  Clara 
Was  not  suffering  any  pain, 

It  made  him  feel  so  happy 

That  he  soon  was  well  again. 


THE  TRAIL  OUT  OF  MADERA 

There  are  trails  that  lead  to  everywhere 

Upon  the  solid  earth.     But  now  I  warn  you 

MADERA  has  a  trail  up  into  air, 

An  auto  route  'twixt  heaven  and  California. 

I'd  heard  about  Miss  Allie  Dean  of  CLOVIS, 
And  hov/  she  drove  a  car,  till  I  was  weary. 

But  I  have  begged  her  pardon  since  she  drove  us 
Above  the  Midland  trail  into  MADERA. 

Above  the  trail  is  right — there's  something  in  it. 

That  trip  with  joy  and  terror  I  recall. 
We  spun  along  at  fifty  miles  a  minute, 

And  we  never  didn't  touch  the  ground  at  all. 

Maudie  Farrell  of  MADERA,  she  is  truthful. 

And  she  will  tell  the  tale  the  way  that's  my  way. 

Miss  Allie  took  the  highway — that's  a  toothful — 
Above  the  trees  and  houses  is  a  high  way. 

A  mile  beyond  MADERA  Maudie's  home  is. 
And  she  was  due  at  home  exact  at  five. 

Her  mama  she  had  made  that  loyal  promise. 
To  keep  it  we  must  make  a  speedy  drive. 

'Twas  five  till  five  o'clock  when  out  of  CLOVIS 

Allie  steered  her  car  up  into  air. 
Just  like  a  soaring  hawk  on  high  she  drove  us — 

I  wonder  what  a  goose  girl  will  not  dare! 

There  is  a  knack  in  making  autos  climb, 

So  Maudie  said  (and  showed  a  smiling  dimple). 

You've  got  to  go  so  fast  there  isn't  time 

To  stop  and  take  a  tumble — ain't  it  simple? 

And  that  is  how  we  did  it — sakes  alive! 

Instead  of  gasoline  we  burned  the  air. 
We  made  it  in  some  minutes — less  than  five — 

And  had  a  little  time  at  that  to  spare. 

Below  we  saw  the  swift  express  trains  wind 
Along  the  Santa  Fe  and  Ess  Pacific. 

But  trains  and  birds,  all  things,  we  left  behind — 
Went  flashing  past  them  with  a  speed  terrific. 

At  Maudie's  home  ere  five  we  landed  swishin'. 

Where  all  was  calm,  though  up  in  air  'twas  windy. 

At  once  her  mama  gave  us  all  permission 
To  go  and  see  a  goose  girl  in  ROLINDA. 

And  there  we  sped — it  took  us  but  a  second — 
And  there  Helena  Allen  gave  us  greeting. 

She  joined  the  party,  which  was  what  we'd  reckoned. 
And  soon  again  in  air  our  car  was  fleeting. 

30 


Back  to  MADERA  then  we  turned  our  car, 

But  higher  climbed,  and  took  our  time  about  It. 

We  went  so  high  we  nearly  hit  a  star — 

But  there,  I'll  stop  this  yarn — I  see  you  doubt  it. 

'Tis  great  a  friend  of  goose  girls  for  to  be 
And  go  for  joy-rides  in  their  magic  cars, 

The  world  above  the  clouds  to  tour  and  see, 
And  loaf  about  among  the  suns  and  stars. 

I  mean  to  call  again  upon  Miss  Allie, 

And  Maudie  Farrell  too.     I'm  hoping  soon 

To  take  MADERA'S  trail  above  the  valley 
For  a  tour  into  the  Valley  of  the  Moon. 


ALL  THE  NEWS 

SELMA  city  is  one  hum-dinger. 
Full  of  goose  girls,  grapes  and  ginger. 
It's  full  of  everything,  you  know,  there, 
To  make  a  fellow  want  to  go  there. 

But  there's  one  reason,  the  best  one  ever. 
That  makes  me  want  to  head  my  flivver 
Toward  SELMA,  in  and  out  of  season — 
One  little  blue-eyed,  rose-cheeked  reason. 

Baby  Freda — that's  the  why — 

Lives  in  SELMA,  or  mighty  nigh. 

She's  a  baby  goose  girl,  age  of  lour. 

But  you'd  say  she  was  ninety-nine  or  more 

If  you  heard  her  air  her  baby  views. 

Heard  her  telling  folks  the  news. 

Books  produced  with  brains  and  labors, 
Magazines  and  chatty  neighbors. 
Daily  papers — nothing  doing 
When  Freda  starts  the  rag  to  chewing. 
To  get  the  news  I  go  to  SELMA, 
Call  on  Freda  and  let  her  tell  me. 

I  slip  on  my  coat  and  at  once  get  busy 
Cranking  up  my  cranky  Lizzie, 
Open  the  throttle  and  pull  down  the  spark 
And  over  to  SELMA  I  sail  like  a  lark. 

There  I  find  Freda  and  Leejay,  her  pard, 
Making  mud  pan-cakes  out  in  the  yard. 
Both  of  them  shout  as  loud  as  they  can, 
"Look  who's  coming — hello.  Uncle  Dan!" 

"What's  the  news?"  I  cry,  and — Zip! 
Freda's  tongue  begins  to  trip. 
She  sits  perhaps  upon  my  knee 
And  spins  a  yarn  like  this  to  me^ 

SI 


Says  she,  "I  am  well  and  Leejay  is  well. 
This  mud  we're  mixing  is  sticky  as  jell. 
Papa  is  gone,  I  don't  know  for  what, 
He  went  in  the  car  and  he  went  like  a  shot. 

**May  he  went  for  what  mama  done, 

Though  I  think  she  only  did  it  for  fun. 

All  that  she  did,  truly  true.  Uncle  Dan, 

Was  to  bang  his  head  with  a  frying  pan 

And  throw  a  poker  and  hit  him  once  more 

In  the  back  of  the  neck  as  he  went  through  the  door. 

"Aunt  Margie  is  well  and  to  town  has  gone. 
All  morning  she  and  Uncle  John 
Have  talked  with  Mama  Lamb  on  the  wee-jee 
Finding  out  things  about  little  Leejay. 

"Wee-jee  says  that  Leejay  is  to  be 

A  bank  cashier  in  Tennessee. 

At  the  age  of  twenty  he  is  going  to  marry 

A  girl  named  Isabel  Christabel  Carrie. 

"Have  you  seen  Frank  Weyse?    Ain't  he  a  chump? 
He  has  a  nose  like  Andy  Gump. 
All  he  needs  is  a  girl  named  Min 
And  then  his  troubles  will  begin. 

"I  bet  you  wouldn't  guess  where  Tess  is. 
She's  in  the  kitchen  ironing  dresses. 
The  way  that  Tess  can  iron — O  my  oh! 
There  ain't  a  girl  'tween  here  and  Ohio 
Can  iron  clothes  as  fast  as  she, 
And  she  irons  them  smooth  as  smooth  can  be. 
Tess  says  it  would  be  her  greatest  joy 
If  she  could  iron  clothes  for  Roy. 

"Millie  is  home  and  acting  a  fool. 

She  doesn't  want  to  go  to  school. 

To  college  now  she  wants  to  go 

'Cause  that  is  where  they've  sent  her  beau. 

She  says  a  college  ain't  so  worse, 

Though  not  like  high-school  is,  of  course. 

"Have  you  heard  about  Carl  and  Edith  and  Nelse? 
They  left  here  lately  to  go  somewhere  else. 
I  begged  them  to  stay  but  they  only  laughed, 
Run  out  their  Lizzie  and  headed  for  TAFT. 
In  a  big  hotel  there  now  they  stay 
That  costs  them  ninety-five  dollars  a  day. 

"Edith  is  sweet  but  Nelse  is  a  booby. 
Soon  he'll  be  busted  and  back  to  DINUBA. 
If  he'd  come  to  SELMA  he'd  show  more  brain. 
And  never  would  go  away  again. 


"I  warn  oyer  to  Della^s  the  other  day  .^ 

With  Clauda  and  Eralia  to  play, 

I  found  them  all  Quite  well  and  happy. 

Wc  played  an  hour  and  made  it  snappy. 

Uacle  Claude  I  didn't  see, 

He  was  out  at  work  where  he  ought  to  be. 

"Tou  know  Claude  took  a  notion  last  Sprine 
And  did  a  very  foolish  thing. 
He  made  up  his  mind  and  nothing  would  d« 
But  they  must  go  back  to  old  Missoo. 

"I  told  him  then^  'Uncle  Claude,  I  warn  yom 

There  ain't  no  place  like  California.' 

In  Bolivar  he  soon  found  out 

I  knew  what  I  was  talking  about. 

It  wasn't  long  till  they  caught  a  train 

Back  to  dear  old  SEH^MA  again. 

"That  beau  of  Millie's,  she'll  have  to  acknowledge 
He's  making  a  fool  of  himself  at  college. 
He  writes  to  eay  SELMA  ain't  one-two-three 
With  the  football  boys  of  the  U.  of  C. 

"Elmer  Husted,  you'll  remember 
He  went  to  Texas  last  November. 
He  came  back  home  the  other  day, 
And  now  in  SELMA  he  means  to  stay. 

"That's  how  they  all  do.  Uncle  Dan. 

To  stay  away  not  one  of  them  can. 

They  come  to  SELMA  and  then  they  chase 

To  Arizona  or  some  old  place, 

To  Lost  Angellies  or  somewhere  else. 

Like  Uncle  Will  and  Claude  and  Nelse. 

They  swear  at  SELMA  and  go  away, 

But  they  never,  never,  never  stay." 

Just  then  I  smelt  a  smelly  smell. 

And  Freda  gave  an  awful  yell. 

"O  fudge!"  she  cried,  and  from  me  turned. 

"I've  let  my  muddy  pies  get  burned." 

I  said  to  her  politely,  "Thankie 

For  all  the  news,  Miss  Freda  Frankie. 

At  telling  news  you're  hankie-pankie." 

Truly  I  would  be  feeling  seedy 
If  I  couldn't  go  see  little  Freda. 
Unless  there's  something  fierce  befell  me, 
I  couldn't  miss  those  trips  to  SELMA. 


THE  SECRET  ABOUT  MILLIE 

There's  a  goose  girl  in  CORCORAN 

Who  better  had  look  out. 
I  know  a  secret  on  her 

And  I  mean  to  spell  it  out. 
I  shall  spell  it  in  capitals  too, 

And  downward  is  my  plan. 
At  finding  it  we'll  see  how  smart 

Are  the  girls  of  CORCORAN. 


Millie  Raisch,  when  she  went  to  school 
In  Iowa  broke  every  rule. 
Like  all  bad  girls  who  won't  be  taught, 
Looked  over  shoulders  to  find  things  out. 
Idled  her  time  and  tore  her  dresses. 
Eat  up  her  lunches  at  recesses. 

In  fact,  one  day  she  got  so  nutty 

She  swallowed  a  lump  of  window  putty. 

Queer  what  a  naughty  girl  will  do. 
Upon  that  putty  she  started  to  chew, 
Eating  it  like  a  piece  of  cake. 
Every  tooth  began  to  ache. 
Next  her  jaw  began  to  break. 

Of  course  poor  Millie  started  crying. 
For  broken  jaws  are  very  trying. 

Her  mouth  closed  tight,  she  feared  to  choke 
Ere  the  putty  ball  at  last  she  broke. 
Roughly  then  Miss  Millie  spoke. 

"Say!"  she  hollered,  out  of  breath. 
Couldn't  you  see  I's  choking  to  death? 
How  did  you  think  a  girl  could  breathe. 
Oodles  of  putty  stuck  in  her  teeth? 
Of  course  you  laughed  like  any  fool — 
Laugh  again  and  I'll  lick  the  whole  school." 


Now  who  was  Millie  and  what  is  she? 

To  find  that  out,  my  poem  scan. 
And  goose  girls,  when  you  find  the  key, 

Don't  be  jealous  in  CORCORAN. 


THE   MAGIC  BUG 


The  proudest  girl  I've  ever  known,  by  jingo! 

Was  a  goose  girl  living  in  C 

Ck)08e  girls  in  the  fields  of  oil. 

The  same  as  elsewhere,  work  and  t 


84 


And  Nella  Wyatt  I  do  adduce 

In  COALINGrA  was  the  greatest  g 

She  was  too  proud,  she  dressed  too  swell, 

What  happened  her  I  grieve  to  t 

Her  shoes  were  tan,  her  stockings  silk. 

She  lived  on  chocolate  wafers  and  m 

She  dressed  so  fine  and  felt  so  proud. 

She  wouldn't  notice  me  when  I  b 

Among  the  trees  and  flowers  all  day 

She  nothing  did  but  stroll  and  p 

Have  your  fun  was  her  only  motto. 

And  she  rode  around  in  a  fancy  a 

Her  papa  and  mama  were  foolish  enough 

To  buy  her  all  kinds  of  costly  s 

By  her  friends  she  was  so  much  admired 

They  gave  her  anything  she  d 

She  had  naught  to  do  but  live  at  ease 

And  think  up  ways  herself  to  p 

One  time  she  thought  it  would  be  joy 

To  put  on  overalls  like  a  b 

Like  a  chap  who  for  no  one  cares  a  hoet. 

In  a  sailor  hat  that  was  very  c 

And  overalls  a  whole  lot  cuter. 

She  went  around  shooting  a  nigger  s 

She  learned  that  it  was  hard  to  find 

Little  round  stones  of  just  the  right  k 

She  looked  for  rocks  of  a  size  to  suit  her 

For  shooting  in  a  nigger  s 

Bending  over,  she  went  down  a  ditch 

Like  a  hen  or  a  kitten — I  ain't  sure  w 

A  big  green  bug  she  saw  in  the  sand 

She  thought  was  a  rock  and  reached  out  her  h . . . . 

Now  that  bug  was  a  Fairy  and  what  it  had  done 

Was  to  turn  itself  into  a  bug  for  f 

When  Nella  squnched  it,  what  did  it  do 

But  turn  back  to  a  Fairy  before  you'd  say  b 

Because  Nella  had  tried  to  kill  it  dead, 

These  magic  words  the  bug-Fairy  s 

"High  and  low,  near  and  far — 

Nella  be  always  like  you  a " 

Remember  Nella  wore  trousers  and  socks 

And  was  stooping  over  to  look  for  r 

Her  hair  was  hanging  over  her  eyes. 

She  looked  like  a  spider  of  terrible  s 

Of  course  she  started  to  stand  up  straight 

When  the  Fairy  spoke,  but  it  was  too  1 

Her  hair  will  now  always  hang  in  her  eyes. 

From  stooping  over  she  can  never  r 

She  must  always  wear  overalls  and  socks. 

And  always  be  looking  for  little  round  r 

Unless  there's  something  breaks  loose  inside  her 

She'll  always  look  like  a  great  big  s 

In  COALINGA  now  folks  think  it  is  sad 

35 


For  ft  girl  to  be  so,  though  some  are  g 

Her  proud  behavior  she  now  must  chuck  up, 
while  she  stoops  down  she  can't  be  ■. 


A  MYSTERIOUS  DISAPPEARANCE 

I'll  speak  no  ill 
Of  FARMERSVILLE, 
8d  please  don't  think  that  I  intend  it. 
It  has  good  crops 
And  busy  shops 
all  such  things,  to  recommend  it. 


Yet  I  always  shiver 

When  in  my  flivver 
Ttirough  that  pleasant  town  I  hurry. 

My  heart  feels  blistery 

To  think  of  the  mystery 
Tliat  iOT  nearly  a  year  has  caused  me  worry. 

There  once  I  knew 

Goose  girls  two, 
▲0  ftne  young  girls  as  I  ever  met. 

One  was  Lu, 

Cora  was  two — 
Cora  was  blonde  and  Lulu  brunette. 

They  had  cheeks  like  roses, 

Wore  rings  in  their  noses. 
And  perfumed  their  stockings  with  violet. 

They  dressed  in  style 

And  would  sweetly  smile 
And  nod  their  heads,  if  you  called  them  pet. 

They  rode  a  bike 

Quite  ladylike, 
And  eaught  tadpoles  in  a  back-hair  net. 

They  could  sew  and  bake, 

Liked  prunes  and  cake. 
And  ate  all  the  tumble  bugs  they  could  get. 

The  truth  to  tell 

They  behaved  themselves  well. 
And  never  swallowed  the  things  they  ate. 

But  one  sad  day 

They  flew  away 
And  never  have  returned  to  tell  their  fate. 

They  last  were  seen. 

With  wings  a-preen. 
Soaring  out  through  the  Golden  Gate. 

3t 


On  those  girls  I  doted. 

And  as  I  have  noted, 
When  I  pass  their  old  home,  it  makes  me  ill. 

My  tears  they  flow 

And  I  swiftly  go. 
With  never  a  pause,  through  FARMERSVILLE. 


CURLY,  THE  TALE  OF  A  PIG 

Butchers  keep  beef,  rich  folks  keep  a  butler. 

And  they  keep  prize  pigs  in  the  town  of  CUTLER. 

'Twas  there  young  Lola  kept  a  pig. 

When  her  papa  got  it,  it  wasn't  big. 

She  trimmed  its  tail  and  named  it  Curly. 

She  fed  it  late  and  fed  it  early. 

And  when  she  had  fed  it  a  week  or  longer 

Curly  had  grown  much  bigger  and  stronger. 

He  grew  and  grew  like  a  Georgia  nigger. 
Grew  and  grew  still  bigger  and  bigger. 
At  feeding  pigs  a  goose  girl  can 
Do  better  than  the  strongest  man. 
Lola  fed  Curly  and  fed  him  good. 
She  fed  him  advice  but  not  any  food. 
She  fed  him  often  and  fed  him  right. 
She  fed  him  morning,  noon  and  night. 

At  feeding  a  pig  no  one  could  touch  her. 
Before  she  sold  him  to  the  butcher 
Curly  was  big  as  a  cow  or  worse. 
As  big,  I'll  say,  as  a  full-grown  horse. 
It  got  so  big,  as  she  kept  right  on 
Feeding  that  pig  the  way  she  done. 
It  couldn't  go  through  the  gate  of  its  pen, 
And  what  did  she  do  about  it  then? 

Lola  was  put  to  big  expense 

To  lift  fat  Curly  over  the  fence. 

She  had  to  rent  a  derrick  high 

And  raise  him  half  way  to  the  sky. 

She  swung  him,  head  and  tail  and  snout, 

Up  and  over  the  fence  and  out. 

One  time,  before  this  remarkable  pig 
Was  fed  so  well  and  had  grown  so  big, 
It  found  a  crack  in  the  pen  one  day, 
Wiggled  through  and  ran  away. 

He  ran  through  the  parlor  and  the  kitchen, 
While  Lola  ran  after  to  give  him  a  switchin'. 
But  pigs  won't  stand  for  abuse  and  lickin's. 
Out  into  the  vineyard  he  ran  like  the  dickens. 

87 


Out  into  the  street  ran  the  little  fool. 

Past  Collin's  drugstore  toward  the  school. 

The  girls  rushed  out  in  a  hurly-burly 

To  help  Miss  Lola  chase  poor  Curly. 

The  boys  came  too,  and  that  poor  little  hog 

Was  even  chased  by  a  pointer  dog. 

They  ran  for  miles  that  day,  they  tell  me. 
Once  the  pig  was  caught  by  Velma. 
But  she  tripped  on  a  stone,  the  pig  got  loose. 
And  Velma  got  a  painful  bruise. 

Curly  ran  on,  but  after  awhile 

He  was  caught  by  Helen  in  handy  style. 

He  kicked  and  squealed  and  again  got  free. 

While  Helen  fell  and  bumped  her  knee. 

As  on  again  that  pig  did  sail, 
Margaret  caught  him  by  the  tail. 
But  tails  are  slick  and  pigs  are  spry, 
And  Margaret  she  sat  down  to  cry. 

I  couldn't  tell  if  I  tried,  indeed. 
The  way  that  pig  kept  up  his  speed. 
How  many  girls  there  were  that  got  him, 
How  many  others  almost  caught  him. 
The  trouble  was,  so  I've  been  told  it. 
Not  one  of  the  girls  was  able  to  hold  it. 
Lola  herself  was  the  one  at  last 
To  catch  young  Curly  and  hold  him  fast. 

She  caught  him  first  by  his  crinkly  hair, 
Caught  him  tight  and  held  him  with  care. 
Then  she  caught  him  by  the  tail  and  snout, 
By  all  four  ears  that  were  sticking  out, 
By  five  front  feet  and  three  behind, 
And  her  arms  around  his  neck  did  wind. 

She  caught  him  all  over  and  held  him  tight, 
And  Curly  was  back  in  his  pen  that  night. 


THE  DEATH  OF  A  CANNIBAL  GIANT 

There  were  giants  once  in  Sunshine-land, 
And  their  deeds  were  dark  and  tragic. 

Bmt  all  of  them  were  long  since  slain 
By  th©  power  of  goose  girl  magic. 

To  prove  that  goose  girls  killed  these  giants. 

And  how  they  did  the  killin', 
FM  tell  of  the  one  that  came  to  PARLIER 

And  the  girl  who  slew  the  villain. 


A  cannibal  giant  ninety  feet  high 
Walked  into  PARLIER  one  day. 

He  went  to  the  kindergarten  first 

Where  the  babies  were  at  their  play. 

He  ate  up  all  the  babies  there 

And  ate  up  all  their  toys. 
And  then  he  went  to  the  primary  school 

And  began  to  eat  the  girls  and  boys. 

But  Neva,  the  goose  girl,  came  in  her  car. 

And  the  giant  he  turned  pale. 
She  made  him  sit  down  and  pick  his  teeth 

And  wash  his  feet  in  a  pail. 

She  cut  off  his  nose  with  the  blade  of  a  scythe 
Which  she  carries  for  cutting  pies. 

She  cut  off  his  ears  and  cut  off  his  head, 
And  planted  dandelions  in  his  eyes. 

This  goose  girl  got  a  rich  reward. 
For  on  giants  there  is  a  bounty. 

They  gave  her  a  million  liberty  bonds 

And  made  her  the  Queen  of  the  County. 

Queen  Neva's  name  is  Geneva  Foote, 

The  giant's  name  was  Guffer. 
Before  he  was  slain,  in  many  a  town 

He  had  made  the  children  suffer. 

The  folks  of  PARLIER  will  never  forget 

That  day  of  grief  and  terror. 
But  now  in  all  the  raisin  belt 

There  is  no  safer  city  or  fairer. 


THE  GOOSE  GIRLS*  AUXILIARY 

The  Goose  Girls'  Auxiliary  met  at  STRATHMORB 
To  formulate  plans  for  an  annual  convention. 

Jtme  Curtis  of  KERMAN  had  charge  of  the  floor, 
With  delegates  there  too  many  to  mention. 

Vice-presidents  were  Ina  Smithers  of  GOSHEN, 

Winnie    Sonz    of    STRATFORD,    Gay    Held    of 
DUCOR, 
Molly  Greaves  of  FAMOSO,  Nan  White  of  McFAR- 
LAND— 
With  secretaries  (there  were  three  or  four) 
In  charge  of  Marjorie  Burt  of  STRATHMORE. 

There  were  delegates  there  from  a  thousand  cities. 

Cities  to  be  in  the  future,  I  mean. 
Headed  for  STRATHMORE,  the  skies  were  clouded 

With  goose  girl  flocks  of  the  San  Joaquin. 

39 


Clovis,  Primero,  Earlimart,  Lucerne, 

Richgrove,  Lacjac,  Las  Palmas,  Sultana — 

There  were  delegates  there  from  as  far  as  KERN,, 
Prom  Tarn,  Navelencia,  Rector,  Locana. 

They  came  from  Page,  Hunt,  Woodville,  Tipton, 

Aloho,  Zante,  Adams  and  Burling, 
Giant  Oak,  Venida  and  Loma,  they  slipped  on. 

Prom  Yettem,  Miley  and  Swall  came  whirling. 

Prom  Hovant,  Butler  and  Oleander, 

Prom  Andrews,  Remnoy  and  Muscatel — 

Hundreds  of  gooses  but  n'ary  a  gander. 

Prom  Banner  and  Star,  the  crowd  to  swell. 

From  Radwyn,  Octof,  ImhofC,  Luvita, 

Prom  Blossom  and  Barton,  Dorsey,  Orion, 

Burr  and  El  Mirador,  Springville  and  Sunland, 
To  name  them  all  there's  no  use  tryin'. 

Kearney,  Trigo,  Herndon,  Storey, 

Tharsa,  Biola,  Solo,  ROLINDA, 
Borden,  Bullard  and  Irrigosa — 

To  tell  *em  all  I  couldn't  begin  to. 

Smyrna,  Redbank,  Stout  and  Armona, 

McMullin  and  Caruthers — O  what's  the  use? 

If  I  tried  to  name  them  (which  I  ain't  a  go'na) 
Though  I  ain't  a  girl,  I'd  be  a  goose. 

They  held  the  discussion  in  old  STRATHMORE, 
They  held  a  big  banquet  in  KERMAN  that  night. 

Ellen  Frear  of  TERRA  BELLA  then  took  the  floor 
And  led  the  Grand  March — O  what  a  sight! 


ALTHEA  SMITH  OF  PORTERVILLE 

Althea  Smith  of  PORTERVILLE 
Can  ride  a  bike  with  ease. 

But  carelessly  one  day  she  rode 
Into  a  hive  of  bbb. 

She  broke  her  toes  and  tore  her  dress. 
While  to  her  great  surprise 

The  angry  bees  came  swarming  out 
And  stung  her  in  the  iii. 

With  broken  toes  she  couldn't  walk, 
So  crawled  upon  her  knees. 

She  couldn't  see,  so  felt  around 
Her  bicycle  to  ccc. 

40 


As  big  as  pumpkins  swelled  her  eyes, 
Her  toes  swelled  through  her  shoes. 

She  tried  to  climb  upon  her  bike 
But  found  it  was  no  uuu. 

She  could  not  walk,  she  could  not  ride, 
She  could  not  even  crawl. 

So  she  began  to  bounce  herself 
And  bounced  home  like  a  ball. 

With  broken  toes  and  clothes  all  torn 
And  swelled  up  smarting  eyes. 

She  went  to  see  old  Uncle  Dan. 
Who  is  both  good  and  yyy. 

He  fixed  her  toes  and  cured  her  eyes 
And  bought  her  nice  new  clothes, 

And  charged  her  fifty  cents,  but  she 
Won't  pay  him  what  she  ooo. 

Althea  Smith  of  PORTERVILLE 
I  guess  is  not  a  goose  girl, 

Or  else  she'd  pay  me  what  she  owes. 
And  not  be  such  a  loose  girl. 

A  goose  girl  always  pays  her  debts. 

But  Althea  never  pays. 
Of  all  the  cases  I  have  met 

She  is  the  hardest  kkk. 

I  do  not  like  to  fuss,  Althea, 

I  do  not  wish  to  ttt. 
Why  don't  you  pay  me  what  you  owe 

And  let  us  live  in  ppp? 


THE  FIRST  GOOSE  GIRL  IN  TRAVER 

This  tale  was  told  me  by  a  little  shaver 

Named  Minnie  Foote,  who  lives  near  TRAVER. 

The  streets  of  TRAVER  were  one  day  full 

Of  young  folks  homeward  bound  from  school. 

Suddenly  somewhere  in  the  crowd 

A  girl  was  heard  to  cry  aloud. 

That  girl  a  finger  heavenward  pointed. 

Her  slender  neck  she  nigh  unjointed 

So  far  her  head  was  backward  bent 

With  startled  glances  upward  sent. 

Then  came  a  cry  from  everywhere. 
And  all  the  girls  looked  up  in  air 
Where  o'er  the  city  soared  and  whirred 
What  looked  to  be  a  giant  bird. 

41 


Yet  less  a  bird  it  seemed  than  human, 
It  looked  to  be  a  girl  or  woman. 
But  strange  to  say,  of  all  strange  things. 
It  flew,  yet  seemed  to  have  no  wings. 

The  TRAVER  girls  this  did  befuzzle 
Till  Minnie  Foote  explained  the  puzzle. 
She  said  'twas  a  goose  girl  they  had  spied. 
And  goose  girls  wear  their  wings  inside. 


THE   FLU   IN   EXETER 

Years  ago,  at  least  a  few. 

In  EXETER  they  had  the  flu.. 

Other  cities  had  it  too. 

But  in  EXETER  was  brought  to  view 

The  saddest  case  I  knew, 

The  case  of  pretty  Su- 

San  Myrtle  Millard,  who 

Had  troubles  not  a  few. 

Susan  went  out  in  the  dew. 

Why  she  did  so  nobody  knew. 

Her  folks  were  in  a  stew, 

For  the  wind  it  blew 

And  scattered  the  dew 

And  wet  Miss  Sue 

And  chilled  her  through 

Till  she  shivered — "Oo-oo!" 

And  sneezed  "Ker-choo!" 

What  then  to  do 

Nobody  knew. 

The  whole  scared  crew 

Just  hollered  "Halloo! 

Come  out  of  there  you, 

You'll  catch  the  flu." 

But  Susan  said  "Boo!" 

And  stayed  in  the  dew. 

She  kicked  ofC  a  shoe. 

And  her  coat  she  threw 

Right  down  in  the  dew. 

And  her  tam  cap  too. 

For  alas!  it  was  true 

She  had  the  flu 

And  a  fever  too, 

And  she  crazy  grew 

And  never  knew 

What  she  tried  to  do. 

She  was  so  for  a  day  or  two 

And  then  got  well  of  the  flu. 

But  I've  heard  it  is  true 

That  since  having  the  flu 

She  thinks  black  is  blue 

And  don't  know  one  from  two. 


42 


If  you  live  in  EXETER,  won't  yon 
Please  inquire  about  Sue 
And  drop  me  a  postal? — do. 
I'm  worried,  and  I  wish  I  knew 
If  her  mind  is  still  askew. 


THE  MAGICAL  LULLABY 

Against  the  town  of  FOWLER 

I  have  no  grudge  or  fear. 
I've  friends  among  the  goose  girls  ther© 

I  hold  most  true  and  dear. 

But  when  I  visit  there,  I  take 

Of  cotton  wool  a  lump 
And  stuff  each  ear  whene'er  I  hear 

A  piano  start  to  thump. 

Don't  think  me  impolite,  I  pray, 
For  making  that  my  practice. 

Read  on  and  you'll  admit  that  it 
An  act  of  social  tact  is. 

Tou'd  think  a  place  named  FOWLER 
For  fowls  would  be  most  noted, 

But  FOWLER  in  the  San  Joaquin 
For  something  else  is  quoted. 

Fowls  you  know  are  chickens. 

Ducks  and  geese.    And  'tis  allowed 

For  gosling  geese,  or  goose  girls, 
FOWLER  town  is  justly  proud. 

But  the  special  thing  for  which 

That  burg  is  celebrated 
If  the  strange  and  magic  music 

Which  those  girls  have  cultivated. 

All  goose  girls  play  pianos  there, 
And  violins  too  quite  often. 

And  their  tunes  of  tender  magic 
The  hardest  hearts  can  soften. 

One  evening  there  I  took  a  walk 
Near  by  a  goose  girl's  home. 

And  heard  sweet  sounds  of  melody 
From  out  the  window  come. 

It  was  a  goose  girl  lullaby 

So  soft  and  sad  and  low. 
At  once  it  made  me  sleepy. 

And  my  tears  began  to  flow. 


When  FOWLER  girls  play  tunes  like  that 
It  makes  folks  sad  and  lazy. 

Sometimes  they  simply  go  to  bed, 
And  sometimes  they  go  crazy. 

I  hurried  on  and  in  this  house 

As  fast  as  I  could  go, 
And  there  was  Mazie  Cortwright 

Sitting  at  her  pi-an-o. 

"O  please,"  I  cried,  "Miss  Mazie, 
Play  something  bright  and  gay." 

Said  she,  "If  you  don't  like  it, 
Why  don't  you  go  away?" 

I  went  to  find  her  sister. 

Her  mommer  or  her  popper, 

To  tell  to  them  my  trouble. 

In  hopes  that  they  would  stop  her. 

But  already  Mazie's  lullaby 

Had  put  them  all  to  sleep. 
That's  what  it  always  does  to  folks, 

Or  else  it  makes  them  weep. 

I  still  was  weeping  loudly. 

But  I  beat  it  while  I  could. 
I  started  out  for  MONSON 

Through  the  dark  and  rain  and  mud. 

That  sad  and  sleepy  lullaby 

Made  walking  such  a  labor. 
I  went  to  sleep  a  dozen  times 

Ere  I  reached  the  nearest  neighbor. 

I  found  him  lying  on  his  porch 

Sound  asleep,  and  could  not  wake  him. 

He  wouldn't  wink  an  eyelid. 

Though  I  tried  my  best  to  make  him. 

From  house  to  house  I  stumbled  on, 

And  at  the  second  house 
I  found  the  family  all  asleep — 

Not  one  could  I  arouse. 

Much  alarmed,  I  hastened  on 

And  found  all  people  sleeping. 

And  those  who  were  not  sound  asleep 
Were  sitting  down  and  weeping. 

You  see,  with  goose  girl  magic, 
Mazie  made  her  music  sound 

So  that  everybody  heard  it 

For  miles  and  miles  around. 

Back  I  ran  to  Mazie's  house 

And  begged  her  on  my  knees — 

"You're  breaking  all  the  neighbor's  hearts. 
Stop  that  sad  music  please. 

44 


•  •  -•      • "^ 


"Stop  and  I'll  give  you  a  quarter       *      '    '  ' 
And  some  bird's-eggs  in  a  basket, 

A  bushel  of  sand  and  anything  else 
Except  my  boots,  if  you  ask  it.'V 

But  that  cruel  goose  girl  only  said, 

**You  think  you're  smart,  sir,  don't  yon? 

But  Uncle  Dan,  you'll  now  find  out 
I've  got  you  where  I  want  you. 

"If  you  wish  me  to  stop  playing 

And  not  make  you  sad  and  lasty. 
Go  crank  your  Ford  and  drive  afield 

And  find  for  me  a  daisy." 
In  vain  I  pled,  in  vain  I  wept. 

Miss  Mazie  had  no  pity. 
I  hustled  out  and  cranked  my  Ford 

And  drove  toward  FRESNO  city. 
All  night  long  I  cranked  and  drove. 

And  hunted  with  hard  labors 
To  find  a  daisy  for  cruel  Mazie, 

And  save  myself  and  the  neighbors. 
A  thousand  times  I  stopped  to  search 

For  daisies  in  the  dark. 
A  thousand  times  I  cranked  that  fllyrer 

Because  it  wouldn't  spark. 
With  a  bunch  of  daisies  in  my  hand, 

My  face  all  pale  and  haggard. 
Into  Mazie  Cortwright's  home  at  dawn 

With  a  low,  sad  cry  I  staggered. 
I  would  not  tease  Miss  Cortwright, 

I  am  no  hand  at  codding, 
But  blame  me  not  if  now  in  FOWLER 

I  carry  cotton  wadding. 


THE  FLOWERS  OF  SUNSHINE-LAND 

Wherever  lovely  flowers  I  savor 

I  ask  the  goose  girls  which  they  favor. 

The  Poppy,  thinks  Rene  Carr  of  ARMONA, 

Was  queen  of  flowers  since  days  of  Jonah. 

A  Rose,  says  Evalyn  Lusk  of  TIPTON, 

Holds  sweetest  dew  she  ever  sipped  on. 

Of  course  Violet  Shroyer,  of  OLEANDER, 

Than  violets  thinks  nothing  grander. 

The  Lily,  says  Anne  Ladue  of  CARUTHERS, 

Of  love  receives  the  biggest  share  of  hers. 

Miss  Aurel  Brune  of  EARLIMART, 

The  Golden  Rod  holds  next  her  heart. 

But  there! — Some  time  in  idle  hours 

ni  write  "The  Goose  Girls'  Book  of  Flowers." 

4B 


O    If.    .^    ^ct 


O       0  0 


A  POEM  ABOUT  YOURSELF 

Is  there  anybody,  anywhere,  a  friend  up  North, 
a  cousin  back  East— whom  you  love  enough  to  want 
her  to  read  this  book  that  has  been  written  about  you 

girls  of  the  San  Joaquin?  If  so,  then  buy  a  Goose 
irl  Book  and  send  it  to  her,  first  cutting  out  the 
Goose  Girl  coupon  (Cousin  Kate  in  Kansas  won't  have 
anv  use  for  it)  and  send  that  coupon  and  the  one 
below  to 

D.  E.  DERMODY 
R.  R.  3.  Dinuba,  Calif. 


I 


The  poem  you  send  for  may  be  about  whatever 
you  wish— yourself,  baby  sister,  your  teacher,  a 
schoolmate,  anybody!  Uncle  Dan  D.  pledges  his 
laurel  crown  that  these  poems  will  every  one  be  all 
you  could  hope  for  them  to  be— as  good  as  any  in 
the  book. 


Goose-CQUPON-Girl 

UNCLE  DAN  D:—Here    are   two   (2)    Goose 
Girl  Coupons,  for  which  send  me  a  poem   about 

Write  here  name  and  age  of  person  poem  is  to  be  about. 

Send  the  poem  to 

Street  or  route 

City  and  State 

N.  B.—li  your   Book    Store   is  out  of  Goose   Girl 
Books,  send  the  price  of  a  book  and  one   coupon,    and 

get  a  book  and  a  poem.    Or   send   the   price   of  two 
ooks  and  get  two  oooks  and  one  poem. 

Price     by     Mail,      Postage      Free,      75      Cents 


HURSTS  PRINT  SHOP.   DINUBA.  CALIF. 


^■^'^^^r 


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